..by any chance...

you believe in bad luck? believe that you were not supposed to be born? argh...sometime, i almost close to believe...but because i'm not suppose to, so...i don't.

how envy i am with other luckier people? having life...good ones, support? unconditional love -that they say unconditional wasn't really love anyway- heroes, luxury, genius and everything else i didn't own, have? of course...i tried, hard, harder and even hardest till i drop and give myself a good cry.

who know this? nobody...only Him the almighty...and yes, i'm BIG of an ego that i couldn't show my true emotion or may be i'm lack of it somehow...

i told myself...i want to write notes to Allah...so i can express my feeling, my frustration, my hope and my everything...since the only one would listen is Him...i think i should start soon...or i'll be depressed...with life and failures...and lack of accomplishments!

and yes...i really feel...like i wanna die but i still wanna live for i want to feel how success tastes like...how when solat really serened me...how when i talk to God...i feel better...but, i'm bad in many way...sigh...sigh...