..i'm in love, truly madly, deeply...

yeah...or so i think. with firdaus. he really made me feel so happy...and loved. not that he said loved me anyway but...my guts told me that. taken that my guts had rarely gone wrong...i took as if it was true.

we chatted constantly nowadays...and talked on the phone more frequent also...even, at time i did feel i've been cheating on him...big time. at time i felt it wasnt fair for him not to know anything bout me. just because i loved him, didnt mean that he had too.

i told awang bout him...how i felt so guilty of dragging him into my life and made him felt loved...in a way...well more ways than one. yeah, he used to ask whether or not i missed him or loved him...which i took that as teasing or only a figure of speech. but each day...the feeling when we said that, itself, getting stronger each day that i could say it was so real.

even i called him sayang...yeah, surprisingly? i don't know what got into my head but...i was seriously flirting with him...to the max. and he was too...well, i thought so. and now we are caught in the middle of didnt even know where is the entrance nor the exit...should we continue to 'act' like this, we will surely ended in more troubles than one.

i wouldnt know how to exit...and he might feel trapped...oh i had no intention whatsoever to make it this serious, this far in our so called virtual relationship. well, we didn't even know each other in real life...

however, i must admit that i felt the jolt of excitement whenever we exchanged text messages and calls...that i could picture myself kissing him passionately. no, i didn't even know his physical. i look at him once...and that was all...and again, that was like...few months back. more than four months ago...

think of it, wow...we made it this far...in such a short of time! unbelievable!

whatever turn it may take from this date, today...i shall say...at this point of time, this minutes, i really love firdaus, truly, madly deeply.


p/s - it has been my forte that i 'picked up' someone from wherever i go! anywhere, police station, airport, game tournament, work, of course ;P

..my dreams...

or rather nightmares...yeah lately i'd wierd dreams. and triggered me to wake up in the middle of the night...breathless and thinking hard, recalling what i had been dreaming of. sometimes...i remember clearly even in the morning after. sometimes...i couldn't.

whatever the situation was, it frightened me. so, when i'd wierd dream last two days, i checked the intepretation of dreams. i dreamed of a snake, colourful ones, i reckoned a baby snake, i mean not an adult snake. and the same time a bird, a strange bird, also colourful one...just sat there and stared at me...so i checked.

and while i read, i came across one article, saying that if we felt sluggish and not interested in anything at all that we'd been so enthusiast with...possibility had it, we were chanted...a black magic!

huh! yeah, so i checked myself and i did find, i had most of the sympthoms. like, i'd lost spark for work, i was lazy to pray, fasting and most of other good things...sigh. was it? or it was just me and my bad habit?

should i go and meet ustaz? i think i should.

herewith i copy from haza zean's webblog.

I Am Addicted
I am addicted,
I've collected footsteps before dawn,
Seen places I never knew existed,
Run to the moon and back,
Been a rabbit for the neighbourhood dogs,
Obeyed the voice in my head,
Let music carry me when I couldn't,
Raced against yesterday,
Let the world be my witness,
Measured myself in metres,
Kilometres,
And finally
character,
I've plugged into a higher purpose,
Left this world and come back changed.
I am addicted.

- Nike+ commercial.


Lifelines
When my legs begin to move, the thoughts begin to flow.
--Henry David Thoreau

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.
--Robert Frost

I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.To put to rout all that was not life. And not, when I come to die, discover that I had not lived.
-- Henry David Thoreau