i couldn't really remember when was the exact date i met him. like seriously. just gone through my email and calendar to mark the exact date when.
it was on 11.4.2010 after a long chat with firdaus in the office because i've to work that day...and he asked me many personal question till one question that is very personal and i dare not answer it...over the phone. i told him, i'm gonna see him...and for that i'd answer what his question and wouldn't drag him for no reason. i bought him something and i'd pass him that...only that.
that night, for no reason, because i didn't even know klang let alone where he stays...or he works...i gambled. i drove toward klang, catched up with some friends to know the direction to his place in general but to no avail. but that was ok. i drove anyway...all by heart...impulsed ones.
of course i strayed...i drove toward pandamaran...and to know that i'd to actually drove toward north port. so, detour...oh, yeah, i called him and of course there would not be anymore suprise...but yeah, i was going to see him...he has to know. i was so afraid that he'd just disappear and run from me...so afraid. but i said to myself...i had to...or else.
with his direction, i managed to come right in front of his house! count the lost road, more than 5 times went and forth the same road just because i couldn't see the sign!
so, like i said...i want to pass something i bought for him. so i did...and i was ready to leave...when he said, lets go for a drink. i accepted. for the reason i don't know why except...a drink, why not...and he mentioned that, he was the one dragged me not i. so, ok. i drove to the nearest place for a drink...rather more a catch up.
and yes, he is as handsome as the prince charming! and of course, i love him the minute i saw him and everytime when i get to see him again...i love him. really.
at the stall we had our drink...we both were not so comfortable with each other, or so i think because we didn't say much...rather so quiet...well we had so much playing in our mind and that much was bothering me...for him, he said to me that (when we are together now) that he was so afraid that what i was going to say to him...if i see him just to say, good bye...he was so afraid, so scare.
indeed, i was there to say that but i didn't...
and the new chapter of my life started...with him inside it, formally...knowingly and lively...i told him what he scared the most...fact that I COULDN'T change and i hurt him so god, damn much and i can mend that...i really wish i could.
from that very day thing are different...i'm a different person now. really...everyone was saying that...speaking bout the 'tsunami' change in me. and i believed that's for good.
however, the next morning, that was on 12.4.2010...when we exchange text and call...i knew he was damn under great depression and for that...that very monday i went to fetch him to where he didn't know...where he had no idea to. just to ease his mind...since he had never been in cameron highlands, i drove him there.
'where you want to drive me to?' he innocently asked me when i said i wanted to bring him somewhere.
'hmm...to a place you've never been.' i answered...actually, cowardly...and more rather carefully. because the hurt i put in his heart, it was unbearable and he hadn't sleep the night before.
'place i've never been? hmm...how far from here?' he was curious...yeah, he had supposed to. yeah, possibly i could kidnap him somewhat.
'it's 290km (if i'm not mistaken) from here.' i answered...gave him some ideas where we were heading to.
'is it in damansara? oh? 200 over km? couldn't be somewhere here...i didn't see the signboard just now. where are we going?' he sound so suspicios already.
'to cameron highlands, place you have never been before.' he looked at me and said, 'we should have planned to go to the place that far.'
'i love to give you surprises, i want you to know that i'm impulsive.'
we didn't talk much during the ride, he didn't sleep either...and i was so intensely diverted anything at all...from his stare or his words.
that day was the most beautiful day in my life...the MOST. i parked the car so we could have some rest...and makan. that was where he kissed me. the first kiss, our first kiss...and i valued it the world. a simple kiss. but brought so much hopes and prayers and indeed...truly made me plunged into committing love forever with him. amen.
now, these days...no doubt, we've through the thicks and thins, ups and downs and many other relationships spoilers and sort but...i really pray that this one, with him...we pass all that, in the matter of time. because, for one, i never been in love before...not like this. i'm truly in love...and he has all the criteria i want...though i wasn't in his criterias.
he now, wanted to get rid of me, but i'm so into him that i couldn't let him slipped through my hands. i wanted him with all my life. to guide me...to be with me. he said, if he marries me, he wants to marry another girl...i would want to say ok...but of course, i want him all for myself.
now, what i'm doing is to making sure and making both of us realized that...been together is the best choice we have. and loving each other is the one thing WONDERFUL in our life.
for now, FIRDAUS...as i really, really love you so much and care for you so god, damn much...please...stay with me, we should figure our differences and tolerate, and negotiate and mend thing and deal with and be at best we should. that's life and i value you with all my heart.
i appreciate you the moment you kissed me, the moment we did in the car in front of your company and many more that happened between us...bad or good. thanks and for god sake, i love you so much.
'Ya Allah, jadikan lah hati ku dekat pada hati firdaus dan hati nya dekat pada hatiku...jadikan hati-hati kami ini, di dalam nya sayang-menyayangi, kasih-mengasihi dan cinta-menyintai...di dalam nya ada rahmah dan mawaddah, jadi kan lah antara kami ikatan perkahwinan yang Engkau redhai, dan kekal kan lah, jodoh kami, dunia dan akhirat.' amiin, ra rabbal 'alamin...perkenankanlah wahai Tuhan yang maha memperkenankan doa.
