..served me right...

yeah, being a chronic procrastinator do me none of the good. indeed nothing good! but still, i'm one!!!

like duh! seriously, i can't be serious bout it eh.

so, i take this as an update for my 'sucks' life 'achievements' so far. i mean it's half a year already, ain't i?

1. in very critical condition relationship with firdaus. i've been given 3 months from 5.6.10 to prove that i'm worth it or 'deal' with it. otherwise couldn't be with him, regardless how hard i tried. and i'm trying, praying hard now...to have firdaus in my life.

'Ya Allah, jadikan lah Firdaus itu jodoh terbaik bagi ku, dekat kan la hatiku pada hatinya, hatinya pada hatiku, jadikan lah hati2 kami ini, hati2 yang saling menyayangi, mengasihi dan menyintai antara satu sama lain, jadi kan hati2 kami ini di dalam nya ada mawaddah dan rahmah, tenang lagi menenangkan. kekal kan lah jodoh kami ini dengan ikatan perkahwinan yang Engkau redhai, dunia dah akhirat'. ameen, ameen ya rabbal 'alamin...perkenankan lah, wahai Tuhan yang memperkenankan doa.

3 months are really short of time, i'll be running out of time...in no time! and it's up to his decision what's next after the period. i'm so, afraid to even think bout it. let alone to think of losing him forever. 'Ya Allah, aku mohon padaMu, perlindungan drp kejahatan manusia dan kejahatan syaitan. jadikan lah, jodoh antara aku dan Firdaus adalah yang terbaik dan kekal dalam rahmatMu, Ya Allah'. ameen.

2. Uitm has started to call for interview!!! yeah, i didn't even submit my application in full. gosh! i'm so impossible! even, i haven't get my referee to give a great commendations yet! duh! i've gotta get things done faster! i couldn't proscratinate anymore. served me right for it!

3. my runs? all into the drain...i did run one with Firdaus and turned out to be a disaster! damn it! i didn't even realize my passion to run has made him so angry! aduss!!! i couldn't figure that, seriously. i really hope, one day he realizes, life isn't all competitions, sometime life is fun...and great and wonderful. sometime, jokes are indeed, a medicine if not making us all cure from diseases! take life seriously but not so competitively, even small little fun could be so bad...sigh.

so, my sckl, into the drain, my australian trip as well...i'm retiring. i just don't want to run anymore. i love running but that's all for now.

4. my umrah trip? i don't know. my morocco trip...far fetched.

5. opening a company? working on it...oh, by the way not a company, a workshop but well...since sapura is really in almost deep shit, i might as well think of opening a company instead. i've got offer and thinking of it. just need more courages. 'Ya Allah, beri lah aku kekuatan untuk mengambil keputusan ini dan jadikan lah ia yang terbaik untuk ku'. ameen.

6. else?

all in all...i don't know if i still love this life. many times, i've negative thinking and perception and almost give up...i did give my life up...for many years...due to disappointment in life...live life to where it takes. and nothing change, or has change since then. yes, i live quiet life, day to day or rather month to month...seriously, it's no fun.

at time, i wish...i've never lived. that's how sucks my life is. come to think of it...still, life has to go on. regardless how terrible, hard or even impossible! if one day i'm looking back to this posting...i don't know if that time, i'd be more appreciative bout my life. hopefully so. amen.

'Ya Allah, permudahkan lah bagi ku, kehidupan ku, rezeki ku, urusan pekerjaan ku, urusan jodoh ku'. ameen, ra rabbal 'alamin.

..back to basic...

no, no...not christina aguilera's music album. nothing to do with it. it's about me and my utmost sayang...firdaus buahati nora.

since it has been really sometime, this blog hasn't been updated...hmm...well, i didn't remember posting the birthday's photos. all the nice and great moment we had during the dinner. i love it every milisecond of it. thank you Allah. i'm grateful for allowing me to feel the magical moment with my sayang.

we celebrated it at TGI Friday. i'd steak and he had rib...best in town so far. oh, i'd mine medium rare. i would want to have all the moment again and again...it was really wonderful! and the most precious ones was we took photos, for the first time, yeah, what else...together!!! i've never been so happy in my entire life! snapping photos with my lovely sayang during my birthday. it is great!

it was posted in fb of course and of course draw all the attention in the world! even people i never know in person likes it...yeah, indeed the photos, hmm...4 of it, all show the very nice moment.

but still, since we both are really strong headed and very stubborn and very objective...just that i'm a little stupid sometimes, oh may be most of the time...we have differences of course, it is two different persons and different personality and two different genders, of course there are so many things to recon, tolerate with, and lotsa give and take. at time, really test our tender age relationship.

and many times i put him at his nerve and he coulnd't take it anymore, tired of me and sort but...come to think of it, he never one time making anything at all to hurt me. i had hurt him so much...for so much more that i love him, care for him. well, love him is just half explain. i should say...i really, really, damn-ly love him. that i really do not care what i do...just to be with him.

'i give my all, just to have one more night with you, i risk my life...'. mariah carey's.

i love him...still afresh in my mind and heart of our very first meet...no, no, not the one after so many conversation over the phone that we had. the very first one, after the bowling. how my heart doing somersault and butterfly in my stomach!!!

then only i realized i HAD fell in love with him, FIRDAUS that very moment! and when he called me over my shoulder on my way back that day...i smiled all the way home. i wish i had flirted him that very moment. oh, no...not that moment because, our phone conversations after that was really, really momerable ones.

i still keep it till now in my other phone and i actually tried to sync with my pc however, yeah because i was so pandai, i lost it all :(

last 13.5.2010 i did hurt him again. but i couldn't really remember why. oh, no, i DON'T wanna remember why. last nite, 2.6.2010 i did again. i didn't listen to him. where i was suppose ti listen to him. if i didn't listen to him now, like now...to whom i want to listen to and till when? today, i realized i was totally wrong for what i did. that i'm not suppose to be acting so stupid! or even level headed with my sayang.

i'm so set to listen to him. really. he's everything i want. and above all...i love him. the first time, fell in love at the first sight and fall in love again, everytime i see him. everytime. can anyone in their right mind to fall in love everytime to the same person, again and again? well i do. fall to firdaus' feet!

like seriously. i must come back to basic...listen, listen to him because that what love do the best. i love you sayang...really love you.