..time is running out...

hmm...adelin abdullah is my alter ego. created just to fulfill someone whom really damn desperately wanted to know me and i dont want her to know me.

she's nadia, someone who has been chasing firdaus for years...and yeah, i contacted her because i was so jealous. and get to know her for a few days reveals lotsa things that i never wanna know.

she's so bad mouth! whao...she talked to me like i'm her friend and she can treat me as she likes...like what? sorry...she's not my cup of tea. for i thought when i first talked to her that she was a nice girl, but nice girl she wasn't. enough for a few days i've gotta know her. and for that, i dont wanna be her friend, she can get lost!

she bad mouthed firdaus to me...and what? she won't bad mouth me to someone else? nons(ense)...ops...i can't, i dont wanna plant hatred in my heart. enough bad thing i've done.

i've been through a lot lately. personally and professionaly and also, not to mention, family thingy...a lot! oh btw, i'm not fasting today...well, firdaus stay with me last night...and we, hmmm...i over shot. pass the sahur time, when it's time i'm suppose to send him home...but we've GREAT time together nonetheless. really great...thanks.

well time to say each other good bye relationship is catching up...and i'm still hoping that we are gonna stick together whatever happen. i for god sake couldn't let it go, couldn't let firdaus go. i love him a lot! so much! i ask me heart everytime...and the answer has been the same. i love him, no matter what, no matter how, no matter!

last night, when we were together...i told him, i wish i could kidnap him and bring him somewhere he could never be back...he said, 'send me to my parents house!'...ok-ok it was a joke...but me, i was damn serious...i want to kidnap him and take him with me to the place nobody else...except us. i just want him, so very much.

i told him, also that i wish i can take him to the moon where no one is there and he wont be returning. again, i was drop dead serious. i love him for what he is...

firdaus = young handsome guy, never been missed his solat, so strong in decision making, persistence, all the good thing and the not so good thing, when he's mad, he throw tantrum, when he's hungry, he throw tantrum...he's so manja, yeah, that's the exact word. oh, firdaus in a package. another one, when he plays games...DO NOT DISTURB!

last night he whispered to me...quietly...that he really want to satisfy me, he said 'i betul2 nak puaskan u'. well, sayang, you had me satified everytime...not even a single time u failed. worry not bout that. you have great 'package'...and i love it every minute with you. everytime...i really want you to do me...but so scare that you wouldn't want it.

btw, nadia's case, closed. i dont wanna have any relation with her or any contact...i dont want her to disturb me, my life or me sayang. she's really not worth it. with the mouth she has...yeah, no wonder firdaus not considering her at all.

i'm scare of what will happen after this. but still i've to bear with it. our relationship will still be there. but i just dont know it will become.

we are planning to buy an apartment together. for stay and for investment. i truly hope our planning will come true. amen.

till then, so far...i'm really2 happy with life i've been through with my sayang firdaus...my doa, all along this ramadhan...sounds the same.

'Ya Allah, ya tuhanku...ampunkan lah dosa ku, dosa ibu bapa ku, adik beradik ku dan ahli keluarga mereka, datuk dan nenek ku dan seterusnya umat islam sekelian. Ya Allah, permudahkan lah bagi ku pekerjaan ku, rezeki ku dan jodoh ku dengan firdaus. tenang kan lah hati nya, lembut kan lah hati nya dan buka kan lah hati nya untuk menerima ku. satu kan lah hati kami, jadi kan di dalam nya ada mawaddah dan rahmah, tenang lagi menenangkan, sayang menyayangi, kasih mengasihi, cinta mencintai. redha la hubungan kami, kekal kan kasih sayang dan cinta ini ke akhir hayat kami. ameen ya rabbal 'alamin...perkenankan lah wahai tuhan yg maha memperkenankan doa'.