..for he, firdaus so kind...

and i've no idea why he's been so very kind. it must have been because of our agreement and as he always said, he wanted to treat me good for that.
i really hope he did it genuinely...because he really feel like he expressed it.

that is one, another is that he needs lotsa money, cold hard cash. really a lot...speaking of RM50k!!! like seriously! what he's gonna do with RM50k? he was reluctant to tell tale how he comes to need that money that much and i assume, it was too private to let me know. and i never insist him telling. he asked me how to go about in applying for personal financing.

so, i checked for him around...all available banks and best rate offered in town. well, bank rakyat is the one. for i believe, sapura has panel bank rakyat for any personal financing i suggested that to him and told him the requirement in applying for one. however, there was slight hic up when SIB isn't panel bank rakyat for the said mean. thus, the process will be longer as the company need to register with the bank.

so, i search around best options available for him to execute his mean. and...this include last resort. if he couldn't apply, i will. for him and he'll pay to me. and there would be a lot more trail if this take place. i'll need a prove i lend him the money that much. and may be i need a lawyer too. well, not just MOU.

i did seek legal advice from our company lawyer how to go about and safe guard both parties interest. she said, legalize the document.
1. sign an agreement - friendly loan
2. get 2 witnesses - one each parties
3. get it stamp - 0.05% of the loan amount
4. have some kind of colleteral - post dated cheques for instance
5. get all contact - latest addresses, contact numbers etc

yes, i trust him but i don't want my trust being 'used' or 'missused' or anything in between. because it's RM50k and it's for 15yrs...how many IFs i should be counting? it takes only RM30k under bancruptcy act to declare npl...that's scary fact. i couldn't take this as simple chance even though it hasn't been applied yet. he promised me he'll get it paid in 4yrs.

he did thank me for 'allowing' such a gesture, an act to help him with his family problem. he told me that his mom family back in sabah chasing his mother for that much money and they don't have it. well, for obvious reason, i don't need to care about him...let alone to help him. he don't even care if i love him. don't even care if i'm exist. but i put extra effort to risk myself, for him. would he realize this?

would he? the risk i take, that i don't even do for my parents!!! can anyone in their right mind do this? can anyone? he is nobody...just the person i love so much. that's all. i don't know if my action is the right ones. don't even know.

i hope, i pray...only Allah will reward me for what i've done and i pray there would be nothing bad happen in between. i just couldn't take it. not even now...i'm still thinking, hard. what am i suppose to do? what is the best option?

what if he vanished? like he always said? what if? what if? what if? and what happen? how am i gonna treat this RM50k? damn!!! i've no bloody idea!!! am i a fool? i think i am...

oh Allah, what should i do? oh Allah, in your name the most merciful...help me please. give me a way out, give us a way out from this problem...please.