..served me right...

yeah, being a chronic procrastinator do me none of the good. indeed nothing good! but still, i'm one!!!

like duh! seriously, i can't be serious bout it eh.

so, i take this as an update for my 'sucks' life 'achievements' so far. i mean it's half a year already, ain't i?

1. in very critical condition relationship with firdaus. i've been given 3 months from 5.6.10 to prove that i'm worth it or 'deal' with it. otherwise couldn't be with him, regardless how hard i tried. and i'm trying, praying hard now...to have firdaus in my life.

'Ya Allah, jadikan lah Firdaus itu jodoh terbaik bagi ku, dekat kan la hatiku pada hatinya, hatinya pada hatiku, jadikan lah hati2 kami ini, hati2 yang saling menyayangi, mengasihi dan menyintai antara satu sama lain, jadi kan hati2 kami ini di dalam nya ada mawaddah dan rahmah, tenang lagi menenangkan. kekal kan lah jodoh kami ini dengan ikatan perkahwinan yang Engkau redhai, dunia dah akhirat'. ameen, ameen ya rabbal 'alamin...perkenankan lah, wahai Tuhan yang memperkenankan doa.

3 months are really short of time, i'll be running out of time...in no time! and it's up to his decision what's next after the period. i'm so, afraid to even think bout it. let alone to think of losing him forever. 'Ya Allah, aku mohon padaMu, perlindungan drp kejahatan manusia dan kejahatan syaitan. jadikan lah, jodoh antara aku dan Firdaus adalah yang terbaik dan kekal dalam rahmatMu, Ya Allah'. ameen.

2. Uitm has started to call for interview!!! yeah, i didn't even submit my application in full. gosh! i'm so impossible! even, i haven't get my referee to give a great commendations yet! duh! i've gotta get things done faster! i couldn't proscratinate anymore. served me right for it!

3. my runs? all into the drain...i did run one with Firdaus and turned out to be a disaster! damn it! i didn't even realize my passion to run has made him so angry! aduss!!! i couldn't figure that, seriously. i really hope, one day he realizes, life isn't all competitions, sometime life is fun...and great and wonderful. sometime, jokes are indeed, a medicine if not making us all cure from diseases! take life seriously but not so competitively, even small little fun could be so bad...sigh.

so, my sckl, into the drain, my australian trip as well...i'm retiring. i just don't want to run anymore. i love running but that's all for now.

4. my umrah trip? i don't know. my morocco trip...far fetched.

5. opening a company? working on it...oh, by the way not a company, a workshop but well...since sapura is really in almost deep shit, i might as well think of opening a company instead. i've got offer and thinking of it. just need more courages. 'Ya Allah, beri lah aku kekuatan untuk mengambil keputusan ini dan jadikan lah ia yang terbaik untuk ku'. ameen.

6. else?

all in all...i don't know if i still love this life. many times, i've negative thinking and perception and almost give up...i did give my life up...for many years...due to disappointment in life...live life to where it takes. and nothing change, or has change since then. yes, i live quiet life, day to day or rather month to month...seriously, it's no fun.

at time, i wish...i've never lived. that's how sucks my life is. come to think of it...still, life has to go on. regardless how terrible, hard or even impossible! if one day i'm looking back to this posting...i don't know if that time, i'd be more appreciative bout my life. hopefully so. amen.

'Ya Allah, permudahkan lah bagi ku, kehidupan ku, rezeki ku, urusan pekerjaan ku, urusan jodoh ku'. ameen, ra rabbal 'alamin.