..mesmerized by books...

and more books...i read my first book on jeffrey archer and almost immediately i fall in...i was like mesmerized by his way of writing. so smooth...so intriguing...it was unputdownable...which captivate my attention toward many other books from other authors like charles dicken who always one of my all time favorite and new one, alexandre dumas. classic indeed.

actually...since my obsession with books is getting worse...i've lot of unread books on my shelves. when i look at it...i was always thinking...when would i read all these books? it was too many and still...i keep buying and no sign of stopping what i'm doing. it's like one theraphy which make me feel so good about myself. when i buy books...i felt relief...sort of satisfied.

it's expensive obsession, my running as well...i've to fork out many percentage of my household income...yeah right...and it's thousands for just a few months and that's for one, and only one bookstore and i buy from not just one. argh...it's expensive.

having to note this, i remember my last office attire shopping was like gazilion years ago...so as my running shoes. luckily, i didn't run or train that much so...having said that the need to buy new running shoes able to be put onhold. yeah...even the urge to buy is so intense, so intensed!

i missed my time to be able to shop again...may be because finance contraint...i don't feel like shopping...but well, not for books. that's why i said...it's just theraphy i can't ignore. i love to chill at bookstore...i love to be able to buy more books and love to curl in bed with good books and i really don't mind having sleepless night for amazing books like a prisoner of birth or my best friend's girl. i think it just worth it.

nevermind if i look almost zombie like...tired eyes, black circle around eyes...and having to spend more on supplement to help me 'enhance' my ability to 'alert' during office hour. never yet one time, i regret reading book dragged me wee hour and the next day means i'll be less alert.

actually...most of all, i'm worried. i'm worried bout my weight, my training during ramadhan and my financial stading right now. sigh. anyway...i'm praying that i'll be blessed during fasting month and my ibadah will be acceptable. amen.

..realizing life is hectic indeed...

my last 1 month and a half was hectic. with my work...and it was called deadline approaching...i cant just sit still...i run almost every part of the corner of the office to get my stuff done. done it was. and i must be thank Allah and be so grateful for His help and bless.

now that my daily life has back to normal or rather abnormal since i like busier me than nothing much to do me. i miss my KOTR 09 today...yeah, i wasn't have the courage, no guts to be truthful to run today. i hadn't enough traning for last couple of weeks. and worse, my calf injured when i moved my stuff out from old house.

that was the reason, but not the reason i couldnt run today as my calf has back to normal...but the reason for i didnt have my last minute training to 'fill' half empty 'jar' of my fitness capacity. thus, i know i could run good...you know being a 'perfectionist' and not be able to do thing unless everything is in good order wasnt feel good anyway.

and yeah, irfan loves me...well, he's my energetic and boisterous and magic and fantastic nephew i have...i love him too.

oh ok, i'm now reading dorothy koomson's my best friend's girl and i love it...i don't know...i just love to read anything on friendship...but not relationship...i can't seem to appreciate when it comes to books on husband, wifey...oh i didn't pick up such a book. not yet, not that i never tried but...i've no interest to read. might as well don't spend on thing won't do any good to me.

that's one...another is that. i'd like to write...a book...on my interest...but i ain't pretty sure what kind of fiction i'd write...but i'll try, i'll try it here....

..when i hear what i hear...

it was 3 in the morning when i woke up and realized that i slept in the couch in front of tv...at hall obviously. so lazy to get to bed, i just off the tv and got back to couch...it wasn't so windy out side, the weather was great.

and...when i hoped to close my eyes and continue dreaming...then only i realized that i heard sound...at first i was thinking that it a sound that wind made, well i'm at 11th floor! sound of the wind is something very usual. but it becoming increasingly irritating 30min later...and when i got up to close the window panels and the sliding doors...which yes, i always left it open wide...

then i heard it more clearly...it wasn't a wind that chimed...it was a sound of someone crying...been crying. non stop now for 30min then. so, i suddenly stop my intention to close the windows and doors...as i stopped and thought i should listen more carefully...was it wind that chimed or was it really someone's crying?

the crying, was wierd...at first, when i realized it was a crying...it was so consistent, the rhythm was consistent, the volume was consistent and that couldn't be someone crying because she's been abused nor a family feud that deul! that couldn't be it. it something else. something i've never heard or experience before. and it was almost 4 in the morning then when finally i was striken by fear.

yeah, i don't normally feel fear...and i was indeed stay home alone, usually...but luckily my brother was around that night in the other room, sleeping. when i felt restless as the crying sound came from just opposite block, which is the tennis court, top level...3 levels below my flat. and i didn't feel like closing the windows and doors for not to 'see' anything unusual...which i actually said to myself to take a peek...but i didn't.

i finally woke up from couch and head to my room. i closed the door behind me and lay down in my bed...but, i still could hear the crying sound eventhough my room was the other side of the flat. it was so loud but i still could hear it, clearly. oh, what should i do...that was one thing in my mind...should i just pretend that i didnt hear anything and forced my eyes to sleep? no i couldn't...i got up...

gathered my bed, my pillows, my blanket...knocked my brother's room and get everything in. i woke my brother up and tell him i'll be sharing his room...as i was scared. well, obviously i didnt wait for his answer nor did i want to hear it...i was ready with my stuff, stuffed in his room anyway. i laid down my head...oh, my brother's room was the farthest from the tennis court where i heard the sound but i could still hear it, softly...

nevermind, i wasn't that scare anymore...and i was actually forgotten to pray...for safety, i went away without saying my pray. gosh! how i could forgot that? it was nearly 5am when i settled down to sleep...and slowly the sound vanished or may be i've gone back to wonderland.

ok, 1 scary night down. but to my surprise, i heard it again last night!!! it started at 12am...oh...and nobody was home. oh, now only i start to pray. and i took my notebook, i play the Quran recitation and slowly drifted...well that was my brother's idea. as he didn't think i could sleep with some kind of irritation by hearing to the crying sound.

and tonight...i'm looking forward to see if i've enough courage to see what's crying on top of the 8th floors building!

my bestest friend...

he's just one amazing guy, fantastic friend...and fabulous, fabulous bestest friend i could ever ask.

he was my bestest friend in the uni...we were apart when he got married...and somehow...life is great thus we are united. well, of course we were friend and still are...i pray for it will be too...

it's nice to know that one special someone you can really count on...and he's your bestest friend in this entire world...not that i hope for any problem myself...but enough to know he will always be there for me....

..it is called determination...

i've lost one toe nail for what i called determination. and i didn't regret it one moment instead love for the fact that i've such determination even losing toe nail wasn't a problem and i would say...it wasn't that hurt.

well, it was a satisfying run more than what it hurt...the excitement surpassed the joints pain, the body ache even the dwelling thirst. all i could say is...it was great!

..piece of me...

it was really busy week, my FA doesnt wanna tally...well, it was taken from a manual calculation from previous acquired company. and it was so hard...not really but come to term of being insaturated!

i'm so, so kan cheung of running this weekend, my very first sckl. it would be a twenty one point seven km! wow! the lonngest i ran these days was like 7k? thus, this sckl would be very challenging. and the weekend after would be my outstation run. in ipoh, but i opted for a 10k. i cant be sure i still can run a half...

and after that my jelajah melaysia would start...for a week. in the east coast. hmm...have to take advance for that.

hmm...actually i just remember my friend...one of my friend, i ipoh. was a good friend of mine but we drawn apart, because we cant 'communicate'. i missed those days...

in life we must change...

must change indeed. for the better...not for worst! the longer we live the closer the time we are to the 'end'. thus, changes is a must to make life better and this world a better place.

i read bout my friend, well web pal, catra corbett...she just bounce and move forward. she's so brave. catra, if you read this...i really admire your spirit and wish i could be as good as yours! it's really inpiring.

lately, my life was so, so unfocus...i can't focus on work not my personal life nor my family's...just simply don't even care to live anymore. in short i've lost spark in my life and i really don't know why. i hardly back to the root...ask God, soul search or whatever. no i didn't. just simply stare out of window, asking...why was i being such a boring person and care less?

i don't have passion to live...and why was that?